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How not to be late...

3/18/2014

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Each day karate practice was getting to be more and more stressful for mom as she nagged, prodded and worried that her son would be late. Her son didn't really seem to care if he was on time but it pained her to think he would have to sit on the sidelines if he was late so SHE made sure he was on time.

After a few parenting lessons, mom finally decided to use some of her new skills to help this situation not be HER problem anymore. The next day after school she decided to have "A TALK" with him. First, she told him she was sorry for nagging him and being his time monitor. She sweetly said being ready and on time was his job and she had forgotten that. Would he forgive her? He was pretty amazed but thought he could do that. Then, she said that she would be happy to take him to karate anytime he was ready, just let her know when. Then she went back to work on her stack of papers that she was grading.

Life was calm and beautiful.  Then her son came running in. "Mom! It's 4:50! We're late! karate starts in 10 minutes!" "Oh dear, that is soooo sad", she said VERY empathetically. She held her tongue with from saying what she used to say and instead said: "Let me get my keys."

As she drove at normal speed to the practice she felt calm and powerful. During this drive it was her SON who was stressing and worried. YES! It wasn't her problem, it was HIS! He hung his head as he was told to sit on the sidelines by his coach since he was 5 minutes late.

She didn't say anything at the end of practice. Just an empathetic glance or two as they drove home.

The next day was practice again. Her son decided set a timer for himself so he wouldn't lose track of time and be late. He's been on time now for 2 weeks straight. 
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Laugh a little... it's a gift...

3/18/2014

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Sometimes we are on such a track to get things done and to have our children "do" that we forget to laugh at ourselves.

When my husband "lost" the car in a large mall parking lot and we were all searching for it (he had dropped us off so we had no idea where it was), our teens were complaining and teasing with "oh dad, not again..." type comments. All could have been lost if dad had gotten mad. Instead, he turned it around and, once he found the car, he purposely set off the alarm, laughed and yelled "Here it is!" just to allow our kids to groan, roll their eyes and laugh at the situation.

Then we joked about how not only dad joined the Stupid Club that day but so had brother. Younger brother learned the lesson about what happens when you leave wet clothes in the washer for multiple days without drying them. His clothes were dried in the dryer but he only noticed they STANK like heck after he brought his sweatshirt into the car directly from this pile of wash that was now dry. Yuck! We all laughed. He was in the Stupid Club too.

And then there was mom, me, .. who had run into a pole with her car on a dark rainy night the week before. Ugh... Another Stupid Club member!

Could all the laugher have been lost if we went overboard and teased the heck out of each other? Yes, certainly. There is a balance between having a laugh and being mean. Also, can we miss these opportunities of family fun if someone gets mad? It's a wonderful gift to show your children that adults can make mistakes too and move past them with humor and honor.

So, next time you do something "stupid" feel free to laugh and start your own Stupid Club. 
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Mary Eschen, ACC - Parenting Podcaster and Educator
Independent Facilitator of Parenting
​the Love and Logic Way
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