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Helpful Fathers and Natural Consequences

6/20/2015

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Sometimes the helpful encouragement of a father who has learned the L&L techniques can push a family in the right direction. Here's a nice reflection on how fathers can really help when BOTH parents can lend a hand as we parent. 
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I love having us on the same parenting page! Less stress! Love him for being such a hands on dad! This has given him so much parenting confidence.

Here's his story:

I am redoing our twin's room and let the girls pick out fabric and I would make the bedding. 
When I was done, one of our girls regretted her fabric choice. 
When I told my hubby I was going to start one bedding over he says: "She's buying the next fabric, right?"
I was so thrilled that he's on board that, of course, I said "yes!" even though I wasn't planning on charging her. 
My kids are so used to this technique that my daughter didn't even flinch when I told her she had to work to earn her new fabric.

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Yeah for this dad! He was thoughtful and could see that the natural consequence that mom had missed was for their daughter to pay for the fabric. Brilliant! Another pair of eyes and ears in the house. Yeah! Go dad!

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Choices Avoid Arguments

10/27/2014

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One of the parents sent me this fun story of how they used choices with their very stubborn teen daughter:

Our daughter wanted to join a track camp this summer, so she could improve on her time in track & field. However, once the camp started she started slacking off and only attending the camp (which meets 2x per week) and attends the meets once a week, instead of following the coach's scheduled practice runs, the rest of the week. She has not been improving, although she has been complaining about it, and is slacking off by not practicing. 

So in order to "motivate" her and give her choices, I said if she does not follow the coach's practice schedule for the other days, then she would have to walk/jog/run back from her 1/2 day summer camp she was taking instead of me picking her up. (She is 13 and bikes to school, so she knows her way around.) She was so stubborn and said she would rather walk the 4 miles home. I said fine and set the GPS on her phone and said "Good luck and she can call/text me by 12:15 if she changes her mind." (I even texted her at noon to see if she wanted to change her mind but she texted me that she would rather walk.) I made sure my husband was in agreement, in case she called him to ask him to pick her up. She did end up walking home and ever since that day, she has decided to do the coach's practice runs! : )

We gave her a choice and avoided having to nag her about practices and averted a prolong fight over it, as well!

Good job parents! Keep up those choices!
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Choices -- when to give them?

10/3/2014

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Our lives are so busy sometimes we are just trying to make it though the day as efficiently as possible. We just want everyone in our family to "do it our way" and save time. Isn't that the truth? We'd just like a little obedience for once!

After I learned a few L&L skills I came to realize that I'd actually get more cooperation and get more done if I'd just let my kids CHOOSE something. A lot of the time the choices that I gave (always ones I liked) didn't even matter and things went more smoothly. Isn't that weird? 

I asked my son last night if he'd like to go to the Mall at 1pm tomorrow or at 4pm. It worked! He picked 1pm. 

An L&L mom was having trouble getting her son to bed so she asked him if he'd like to go to bed at 8pm or 8:30. It worked! He picked 10:30.

A dad was having trouble getting his daughter to pick what she wanted for breakfast so he decided to let her choose between waffles and Cheerios. It worked! Cheerios where delicious that morning (he did nicely use "and what did I say..." when she asked for something else).

Another parent was worried one morning that her daughter would be hungry if she didn't take a snack for after school before her school sports started as soon as classes were done for the day. She offered a power bar or cookies. It worked! Power bar won!

All of these parents noticed that a lot less whining and resistance was received and THEY SAVED TIME as a result. 

What could work for you to save you time? Think about choices!

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Mary Eschen, ACC - Parenting Podcaster and Educator
Independent Facilitator of Parenting
​the Love and Logic Way
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